This is an old post, almost a year old now, that didn't work for some reason the first time I posted it. Now that I'm working on our photo book, I realized that it wasn't there. So, I'm just reposting it to get the words to add to our photo book. It's also like my journal and I want this is there. Ignore it. I'll try to slurp it in quickly and delete it.
Recently I have been feeling....frusterated..overwhelmed..down on myself....just kind of off, to say the least. I don't know exactly why. I'm pretty sure that a lot of it has to do with the fact that Brian and I are preparing to take our little family all the way to Irving, Texas for the summer. I'm so excited to get out of this place! I'm looking forward to an adventure! But there still is the "fear of the unknown" factor as well as all of the work that I'm suppose to be getting done to get us moved out by the end of the month. And with 3 little kids running around here 4 days a week, being such good "helpers," I feel like I'm taking 2 steps forward and 8 back! And then I feel disappointed in my lack of productivity and frusterated with myself, and unfortuantely, with the kids sometimes. That is why I am doing this post. It's time for me to take a step back, take a deep breath or two, and realize how good things, and my sweet babies, really are. First of all, the other day Brooklyn was sick so her mom didn't bring her over. Brian didn't have to be to work untill 1:oo PM and we actually got some stuff done. That was nice! I should feel good that we are starting to be able to check things off of our oober-long to do lists. I have also sacrificed a few nap times to go through toys, clear out some junk, and even cleaned that nasty kitchen floor on my hands and knees with a rag. That floor is a bear to clean! It's waxed, ugly white spotted black lynoleum (spelling? we all know I have phonics problems). And once the food hits the floor, the wax starts to act as some sort of magic glue, causing the food to adhere itself semi-permanently to the floor. Every time I clean it, it takes me at least an hour. But, anyway. I cleaned it and that's good! And we are starting to make some progress and that's good! Plus, Brian is no longer working on the mornings that he doesn't have school, so he will be around for a few hours to help and that's good, too!
And now, about the children. They are really such sweet kids, even that cheeky Brooklyn! Oliver is such a good communicator! I am so lucky to have a 2 year old who can speak so well! Imagine my stress level, and his for that matter, if we were still playing that oh so fun, what is it that you need, guessing game. He and I can talk about things and that's good! I need to remember how lucky I am that he is so smart and so easy to reason with, instruct, and guide. He's nice to his little brother and has lately been a very good friend to Brooklyn. I don't even hear him yelling, "NO! Botan(that's how he pronounces her name)!" anymore. They are generally getting along and that's good, too. Now, Brooklyn and I are finally coming to a happy place. She is a cute, funny little girl. She has a scream that makes me want to tear my ears off, but she now knows the way that things are run around here and that scream happens very rarely as of late. She loves helping! She'll wipe their little table off for me, find Dexy's shoes, bring Ollie his pants, whatever. She is very much a girl in that aspect. She always has to have a baby to take care off and fills every piece of our baby gear with dolls and stuffed animals. She's good at helping me get her dressed, sits still while I do her hair, and wants to put her socks and shoes on by herself. She's also getting so good at knowing that she's a big girl and can learn to be independant. She's the only child of a still somewhat selfish couple, so they just coddle her. But she has come so far in gaining confidence to grow up. She's starting to speak more clearly and more often, and is also picking up on colors and shapes some. And I've come to a better understanding of her. A lot of our issues were me. She doesn't live by the same rules that my boys live by and I was expecting her to right away. I needed to let her have some time to get it and she has. And I feel so sad for her. Lately, she tells me. "Mommy working," and I say, "yes, your mommy's working." And then she tells me, "and Daddy working," and I say, "yes, your daddy's working, too." And then she has to tell me one more time that her mommy is working. She tells me this everyday, at least a couple times. It's just so sad that she has to feel so abandoned just so her parents can have a big house, drive fancy cars and use iTouch cell phones. I should have been giving her everything I had to give, because where else is she going to get it! And now my time with her is almost over! I am disappointed in my treatment of Brooklyn. Once I realized these things, I resolved to do better and I have and that's good. I just wish I would have done it sooner. But, it is also good that we will end our time together on a happy note!
And last, there is my sweet Dexy. He is so sure that he's big. He walks so well now and always wants me to either be reading him a story or carring him around the room so that we can point and name everything in site. He is getting to a hard age for the situation that I'm in now. He wants to learn and absorb constantly and I am so busy trying to get everything done and taken care of, that I feel like I'm failing him. It will be so good for us to be done watching Brooklyn, be out of this dingy place, and be into summer so that I can focus on him for a little while. He will love having the chance to be outside, see a new place and have a Mommy who can just sit and read to him. He is very paitent with Ollie and Brooklyn as they take his stuff and run around without him. And he's very paitent with me! He always has a big, dimpled smile for me. Unless he's finished lunch and is ready to nurse and go down for a nap, but I've got to put the big kids down first. Then he's pretty sad! But, even then, he's still pretty nice. He just sounds so sad! That is really the only time that he cries, though. And that's amazing! He's so gentle and paitent and sweet and that's really good, too! And speaking of my Dexy crying, he is right now. I guess he wants his midnight feeding. I had better wrap up. To make a very long story not any shorter, there are many things that are good in my life! I wanted to recognize them. I am thankful for my good husband who works so hard both in school and at work! And he is so nice to me. I'm thankful for my 2 nice boys! And I'm thankful for the opportunity that I've had to make maybe a little bit of a good impact in Brooklyn's life. And I'm so looking forward to the opportunity that we will have for a change! And now, it's time for me to remember these good things and be happy! And to go feed Dexy. Good night!
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